I wear a heart on my wrist engraved with the Shakespeare quotation ‘To thine own self be true’. This serves as a constant reminder,and, yes I do need it, for it hasn’t always been the case....
I often wonder how many people are really true to themselves, or if they’re holding themselves back trying to be someone they’re not to please others, or allowing excuses to become the truth of what they think?
People often tell you to ‘Just be yourself’. Oscar Wilde said it: ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already taken’ ....but what does that actually mean? How can you be yourself if you don’t know who you are, if you don’t understand and accept (and hopefully love) yourself first? Something I’ve done a whole load of soul searching about.
Think about the essence of who you are; your values, what you believe in, what you feel comfortable doing, thinking, saying. What you stand for. Align your actions with this essence, live by it. I mean how would it look if, after spending a day teaching others what I believe to be the amazing benefits of eating raw food, how it makes you feel alive, energized etc. etc., I was to waltz off and dine (loosely speaking) at McDonald’s? Er...NO!
One of the most unhealthy things you can do is to try and define yourself by some period of time in the past, or by the belief someone else has instilled in you. Don’t let their opinion of you become your own self-belief. That is so easily done, but so so damaging. People may have conflicting opinions of who you are. I have been ground down in the past by people telling me ‘I’m not good enough...’ and for a long while that has been my self-belief. Change that mindset pronto! No, I probably wasn’t good enough for that particular person, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough full stop. NO WAY!!! A few pretty major life changes later, and I find myself more than good enough! Being ME
and loving it! Fixating on the past totally prevents growth. Let go of past mistakes, let go, learn from them and move on. I determined that if I was ever to enter into a relationship again, he would have to love and accept me for who I am, weirdness and all. And he does!
Stop caring how people perceive you. We’re all different, we all have different tastes, that’s the beauty of life! Some people will like you, some won’t. Don’t try to change yourself to make someone like you. I did this for so long (and failed miserably... I’m a crap actress!) until one day I woke up and realised that I had virtually lost who I really am; the true me. Always trying to change/do things etc. to gain someone’s love/respect/whatever can really harm your confidence in being YOU.
Be honest and open. My daughter said one day, ‘Why hide it. If you’re embarrassed by it, why do it?’ I don’t think she realised how wise she was being. None of us is perfect; we’re all growing, learning. But if you do/say something you have to hide because you’re ashamed, like eating that box of chicken nuggets under the duvet (and no that’s not one of mine!) when you proudly and publicly declared
yourself to be vegan, are you really being honest with yourself?
Develop and express your individuality. Don’t try to follow the crowd just because you think you should, while inside you feel twitchy, uncomfortable, uneasy. Be comfortable with your choices, even if they stray from the mainstream, if they feel right for you, go for it!
Stop comparing yourself to others. As I said, we’re all different. My ex used to compare me to ‘other people’s wives...’ I used to scream inside, I’m NOT other people’s wives, I’m ME!!! If you are always comparing yourself to someone else; she’s slimmer than me, sexier than me, raw-er than me....are you ever going to be happy? I don’t think so....you’ll always fall short. Be yourself and PROUD!
Follow your own style. For so long I tried to fit in, doing what others did, dressing with the current trend, trying not to stand out. If that suits you, great! If not, why do it??? Dance in the rain, if that’s what makes you buzz! I remember asking my daughter if I could still wear jeans once I turned 40! WTF! My lovely Mum the other day commented ‘You’re not like your sister in law, (5 years younger) you have your own style, it suits you, she looks more mature’ (pretty sure she was meaning older!). I’m loving how minidresses and heels make me feel...who cares what others might think!
My favourite quote from Stacey Charter just sums all this up so well...
“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
But hey that’s just me! Being different is absolutely beautiful! Don’t let people change you,
JUST BE YOU!!!!
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